babydolls teenage awakening xxx

19th oct 2012

dollhouse

was thinking of times when i was younger...

didnt know what love is,fitting in was one of the most trying thing a girl can go through...

when i turned 11 i thought i liked someone,was surprised to be liked back...
then i felt broekn hearted the first time..thats becasue i thought when you liked someone
it automatically meant 'love'

it was strange when i was 12 i was always an actress for the school plays
ofcourse a lot watch the shows and i was mistaken to be 14 and was asked for 'dates'
by older boys!

when i was 14 a friend of my older brother broke up with his gf and was surprised to know
it was because of me...
he started sending me love letters through fax and was received by my mothers secretary
and ofcourse my older brother got wind of it and thought it was funny!

it wasnt funny

i didnt understand it...

i had a number of suitors but didnt think much of them..
and also this guy who liked me was already 24 years old and i thought it was strange...
why would he want me a 14 year old girl???

he did everything to take me out but i refused and he took out my brothers friends my sisters friends hoping that i would go out with them...

a few years after i realized why he wanted me...

it was an awakening and a revelation because i started to appreciate myself...
thinking about it now,nothing much changed and i wonder if it is one reason why
attraction is the main reason men would want to have a girl like me?
i know a pretty face is only attractive in the next few weeeks but what is it that men want?
was it just sex?
conversation?
company?

is it love?

a bit of understanding?

even now i wonder why?

there were love lost

there were some found
disappeared

that made me think of it as a lost cause

nothing to think about


until now

i wasnt looking for love,far from it
but then it comes..
in a sugarbowl world where things are always undone..

you think you are trying to just fit in
this world that we live in...
but becasu of it,my senses came alive...
and you think no one would stay...
He stayed...

where promises are always broken,He kept them
when you thought you wont feel another caress,a kiss that affection you so wanted...
when you think you will be alone ,will always be alone
there was someone waiting,questions answered...

like that teenage awakening...
i understood more than i should...

life can be so cruel
but i found that love is kind..
where there is none,
love will find...

babydoll fitting in...xxx

dollhouse 22.47

july 18, 2012



i had  a dream...
and my dream is of YOU

holding me tightly,
kissing me lightly...

i wake up, your not here...

i feel a tide of emotion...

but i find comfort knowing ,

this is not a sad emotion,
it is a loving and positive thing to feel.. xxxx

been too busy trying to fit in
trying to sort out things all at the same time and most of all
making sure that we are happy xxxx

my dollhouse.little by little
my Darling is making things possible...

now getting ready whe the other room is ready...
His dream of having french doors going oout to a garden,is finally coming to an end...

because one day it will happen...
not too soon but surely it will...

a garden would be woken up filled with love...
a knot garden to show my love for him...
with hopefully,cherry blossom and mock orange to fill it with fragrance and colour :)

the garden room will be amazing,with the same antique furniture that i always wanted xxxx

today it was raining,
but i forced myself to plant our hydrangea that needs a lot of attention at the backgarden
looking out of our future room...

thinking of taking piano lessons again after a hundred years not having it...
having nightmares the last time i had a tutor at home ,
i got to Yamaha to d my usual lessons...
except he wasnt there...

only to be told that he was killed :(
and i never took any lessons again...
but in this room there is a piano,old old one,
reminded me of music of life of getting ovver things of past...


my dancing my art,my painting my sketching
most of all ...

my Darling who loves me...xxx

fit in for all the right reasons i tell myself...
only the things that wont hurt anyone and that will make us happy...


hard times are always here...
but who doesnt have them,
most are more unfortunate than me...

i am loved by the Man i love :)
in my heart i hope i make Him happy...

give Him as much as He hs given me :)

one year is near..i cant believe how time has gone quick!
love really changes a lot of things,people,situations...
perceptions...

it is really a wonderful world :)))